Once you have loved someone, you'd do anything in the world for them... except love them again."
"Love is like war: Easy to begin but hard to end."
"Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion."
"Three things can't be hidden: coughing, poverty, and love."
"The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed."
"I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's eighth husband on her wedding night: I know what I'm supposed to do...I just have to figure out a way to make it interesting."
"No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying."
"An old man who marries a young wife grows younger - but she grows older."
Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away."
"Do not marry a man to reform him. That is what reform schools are for."
"The body, she says, is subject to the forces of gravity. But the soul is ruled by levity, pure."
"It does not matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you do not do it in the street and frighten the horses."
"A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it."
"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?"
"There are three kinds of men who do not understand women: Young, old, and middle-aged."
"Women like me because I make them laugh. And what is an orgasm, except laughter of the loins?"
"There will be sex after death, we just won't be able to feel it."
"A bride at her second wedding does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting."
"Don't threaten me with love, Baby. Let's just go walking in the rain." - Billie Holiday
"Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Roumania."
"Marriage is a fine institution - but I'm not ready for an institution."
"My heart's in the right place. I know, 'cuz I hid it there."
"If you do kiss a politician, remember this: You are not only kissing him, you are kissing every butt that he has kissed in the last eight years."
"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down."
"To laugh often and love much... to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to give one's self... this is to have succeeded."
"I detest 'love lyrics.' I think one of the causes of bad mental health in the United States is that people have been raised on 'love lyrics."
"You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap."
"I should like to see any kind of a man, distinguishable from a gorilla, that some good and even pretty woman could not shape a husband out of."
"A woman might as well propose: her husband will claim she did."